i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
