I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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