I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
