Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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