every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
