Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
