New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
