Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think your dad took our porno
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
