this beer tastes like vomit already
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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