Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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