I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
