Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
