Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
