if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
