I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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