I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize