i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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