Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
