nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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