I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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