I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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