She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
