Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
