singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
