We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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