fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
