i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
