the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
