I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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