there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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