Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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