she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
