Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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