i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im holly from the hills drunk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Randomize
