did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he was CRYING into my vagina
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
