either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
