"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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