How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
