Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
