I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
