i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
