I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
