There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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