Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
