So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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