Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
