i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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