roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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