No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
