Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize