just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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