My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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