Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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