Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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