what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
