it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
