In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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