Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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