i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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