I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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