Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
