he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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