I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
