"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
