Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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