I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
accomplished twins. life is a go
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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