what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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