As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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