I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
