I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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