i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
