Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
