Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize