Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
