the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
