Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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