P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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