i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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