just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
