No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
