just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
