overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
