I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
